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You are here: Home / Travel / New Car

New Car

March 27th, 2016 by Sallie Bingham in Travel 11 Comments

Mr. Toad

Mr. Toad, from The Wind in the Willows

No one will ever call me a cautious driver. If I belonged to the animal kingdom, as sometimes seems likely, I would be Mr. Toad of Toad Hall in The Wind and the Willows, charging down English lanes in his expensive sports car, leaning on the horn—“Toot! Toot”—and ending up in the ditch. Last seen, he is sitting in the middle of the road, bemused rather than repentant, muttering, ”Toot! Toot!”

I don’t end up in the ditch too often, fortunately. When I unwisely bought a new car a few months ago, the roads here in Santa Fe were still covered with snow and ice, and this car—expensive, its brand not to be disclosed—was said by the salesman to perform beautifully in those conditions without need of snow tires.

I should have known better. No car here performs beautifully without snow tires in the winter; we are in the foot hills of the Rockies, after all. But I was beguiled, as surely the plan was, by the suave, good-looking salesman, and it was much easier to believe him than to begin the search for another set of expensive tires.

So I set out, exactly like Mr. Toad, with no worry about the consequences, and ended up in a ditch on my very first drive, the headlight and driver’s side mirror smashed and a very conspicuous dent in the front bumper. At least the air bags didn’t deploy, a measure I have always dreaded. (I’m sure Mr. Toad would have disabled them.)

Over the weeks, my anger grew at the thought that such an inconvenience—a turn signal that wouldn’t stop—was somehow considered an improvement.

So now the brand new, expensive car would have to go to the shop for even more expensive repairs, but since it was still drivable, I put off the appointment, with a sad result.

These new cars as everyone knows have become almost impossible to drive. The number of commands one must master, the number of buttons and switches to be pushed, the glaring yet unreadable screen with its gnomic explanations—all seem meant to deter any sense of mastery or control on the part of the driver. My old car was fourteen years behind the times and so had none of these disastrous gadgets. I didn’t know what I was getting into, and being—like Mr. Toad—no reader of manuals, I was never going to look at the thick black book of instructions, most of which seem to be written in a foreign language.

Well, among its many “improvements,” this car boasts a turning signals that continue to beep and flash after the turn has been completed.

Yes. It just goes on and on, as though the car is involved in going eternally around in a circle.

Even the suave, handsome salesman warned me that this eternal turn signal might cause me dismay. However, he assured me that a certain light touch on the turning-signal shift would stop the endless bleeping and flashing.

But it didn’t. My touch was not light enough, or it was in the wrong place.

Over the weeks, my anger grew at the thought that such an inconvenience—a turn signal that wouldn’t stop—was somehow considered an improvement.

My anger peaked last week when I was driving to Taos. On a little mountain road winding through Peñasco, where to my disappointment my favorite café, Sugar Nymphs, was not open, the turn signal went into a fury of blinking and flashing. I still had a long way to go and the thought of enduring that blinking and flashing for another fifty miles was more than I could bear.

I laid hold of that lever and gave it a good wrench, a really good wrench, meanwhile shouting unlady-like profanities, and the thing came off in my hand and then hung from a thread.

Now I had no turn signal.

For some obscure reason, I found it difficult to roll down my window and revert to the old hand signals. Fortunately, most people in New Mexico do not use turn signals, figuring, I guess, that anyone can tell a car is going to turn from the direction it is heading, and so the lack did not cause me alarm. And I was free, at last and permanently, of the blinking and flashing.

But this meant the car really had to go to the body shop. A nice man there called me after assessing the damage and wanted to know what had happened to the turn signal. He appeared to want to believe that some flaw had caused the lever to drop off of its own accord, it which case it would be repaired at no expense to me.

I was rather relieved to be able to leave him a message, rather than having to explain to him face to face (or real voice to real voice) that I was the culprit.

It’s going to cost me a pretty sum, but the Mr. Toads of this world don’t worry too much about that.

People go on and on—or salesmen go on and on—about the aphrodisiac qualities of the “the new car smell.” I’ve never noticed the attraction. At this point I would be absolutely delighted to exchange that famous new car smell for the warm, worn, familiar smell of my old car.

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In Travel The Wind In The Willows Children's Stories

A long and fruitful career as a writer began in 1960 with the publication of Sallie Bingham's novel, After Such Knowledge. This was followed by 15 collections of short stories in addition to novels, memoirs and plays, as well as the 2020 biography The Silver Swan: In Search of Doris Duke.

Her latest book, Taken by the Shawnee, is a work of historical fiction published by Turtle Point Press in June of 2024. Her previous memoir, Little Brother, was published by Sarabande Books in 2022. Her short story, "What I Learned From Fat Annie" won the Thomas Wolfe Fiction Prize in 2023 and the story "How Daddy Lost His Ear," from her forthcoming short story collection How Daddy Lost His Ear and Other Stories (September 23, 2025), received second prize in the 2023 Sean O’Faolain Short Story Competition.

She is an active and involved feminist, working for women’s empowerment, who founded the Kentucky Foundation for Women, which gives grants to Kentucky artists and writers who are feminists, The Sallie Bingham Center for Women's History and Culture at Duke University, and the Women’s Project and Productions in New York City. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Sallie's complete biography is available here.

Comments

  1. James Voyles on Facebook says

    March 27th, 2016 at 9:42 am

    Laughing…with you.

    Reply
  2. Ranny Levy on Facebook says

    March 27th, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Hysterical

    Reply
  3. Carol M. Johnson says

    March 27th, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Hilarious!

    Reply
  4. Nadine Stafford on Facebook says

    March 27th, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    What a nightmare! We just want cars that will take us where we need to go.

    Reply
  5. Carolyn Charlene Lewis says

    March 28th, 2016 at 6:47 am

    Sallie, So well put ! I will keep my old functioning car until it decides to stop even though my grandchildren think I need a new car. There is something about an old car that is so comforting, especially one that starts every time.

    Reply
  6. Evie Frost on Facebook says

    March 28th, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    My old car would be cozier if it didn’t so closely resemble a traveling trash can!

    Reply
  7. Nancy Belle Fuller says

    March 28th, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    I don’t think it is so funny! So sorry you had to go through this! My husband got one of the super electronic everything cars with voices that talk to you and I can’t stand it ! He tried to explain to me how to drive it and after listening (in the back seat) to all of the complex instructions for every “gizmo” some dealership guy was explaining to us, I felt woozy and like I was from another planet. My hands got wet. My heart rate went up. I quietly imagined that if these things are the future of cars that I will simply never be able to drive again. I love, love my old in perfect condition Jaguar and I intend to drive it forever. I call it “My Pussy”. (It has a little jaguar which stays in a running position on the hood). This upsets some people. I think that “her” name is funny and they have dirty minds and I don’t care!
    Good luck with your new car Sallie. I hope you can train your brain to make the damn thing function safely for you. Luck and Love to you,
    Belle

    Reply
  8. C.m. Johnson on Facebook says

    March 28th, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    I love my new car. It has a push button to start, a camera to show where I’m backing up, heated seats, my cell phone comes on thru the radio, the side mirrors let me know what in my blind spots, they say it will park itself, and I can adjust the heighth of the rear door opening, but I just figured out after 8 weeks how to lock the door from the outside, and I still can’t figure out how to set the auto garage door openers. Time to call a grandchild.

    Reply
  9. Charlene Bush on Facebook says

    March 28th, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    Yes.

    Reply
  10. Joan Mcgregor on Facebook says

    March 29th, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Love this! In need of a new car but have decided to just patch! Patch! Patch!

    Reply
  11. Cynthia Hood on Facebook says

    March 30th, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Oh, those pesky first world problems…

    Reply

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