As some of you know, I’m a fan of small-town newspapers that hang on in spite of everything, like the Las Vegas, New Mexico Optic and the Rio Grande Sun. With tiny staffs and a small group of dedicated readers, they go on reporting the news that never makes it into bigger newspapers. The Sun devotes a whole page to its police blotter.
Probably the woman who was threatened with a bat didn’t see any humor in the situation, but I find myself giggling about many of the other stories in today’s police blotter. The editor seems to recognize the inadvertent humor, setting off the stories with headlines like “Mean, Little Dog” and “Beating himself up,” probably infuriates the people who suffer these indignities.
For example, at 10:26 am, “A Walgreens caller said a woman is trying to hit them and throwing things at them”—probably not an example of the new use of the plural to indicate gender fluidity. “The woman became upset when the dispatcher asked her questions and said she would handle the situation herself and hung up.”
Then, at 2:34 pm, “At County Road 91 in Chimayo caller reported an ex-roommate is threatening her with a gecko.”
A day earlier at 12:57 pm, an officer stopped to check on a woman walking southbound in the northbound lane because she was “afraid of the ditch, or something.”
Later, at 2:10 pm, a Wells Fargo caller said two men are pushing a yellow cart with a coffin in it and the coffin is covered. Police were unable to find the cart-pushing men.
Then a West Bond Street man reported that his forty-year-old son is disturbing him.
The day continued with disturbances. Later in the afternoon, a Motel Six caller wanted to speak with an officer because his friend’s nude photos got leaked and someone is trying to extort money from his friend.
The day finally ended with a pizza delivery. A North Riverside Drive caller said he opened the door and there’s a big pizza box outside. He didn’t order pizza and thinks it might be a bomb or poisoned pizza.
In the middle of the troubles that are haunting our world, it’s a relief to read about a possibly poisoned pizza. And I have to admit there are worse things than being threatened with a gecko.
A friend in Arkansas sends me items from the police blotter there, which always include funny-sounding or insignficant-sounding items which, as you say, are probably not funny to the people involved. But the editor has a good sense of humor about it, and seems to be making fun of these things in one way or another.
“At County Road 91 in Chimayo caller reported an ex-roommate is threatening her with a gecko.”
LOL!