Rough Air

At rise: SARAH is making her way to her seat. She checks her ticket, sits down on the aisle, pushes her purse under the bench, fastens her seat belt, and settles back with her book.

(HOWARD enters, looks for his seat, checks his ticket.)

HOWARD

(To SARAH) Excuse me. I believe I’m in the middle….

SARAH

No problem. (She gets up. HOWARD settles himself next to her, buckles his seat belt, and takes out a magazine.)

(GARY enters, checks for his seat, looks at his ticket.)

GARY

(Irritated) I have the window.

(SARAH and HOWARD get up, let GARY into the row. He sits down by the window, immediately pulls down the shade. All three buckle themselves in. HOWARD and SARAH take out their magazines. GARY pulls out his electronic reading device and turns it on, plugs in earphones.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Preparing for departure….Fasten your seatbelts. Put the tongue into the buckle, pull tight. Locate your nearest exit which may be behind you. Stow all carry-ons. Turn off all electronic devices….

SARAH

(Leaning across to get GARY’s attention) You have to turn that off. (He doesn’t hear. She taps his arm) She said turn it off.

GARY

AHHH! (He turns it off, sits back, and closes his eyes. After a beat, he opens his eyes, turns to HOWARD) You’re overflowing.

HOWARD

Excuse me?

GARY

You’re on my side. Put your arm down.

(HOWARD lowers his arm.)

GARY (cont’d)

(Contained exasperation) Your SEAT arm. (HOWARD does so. Looks inquiringly at SARAH but she gestures that he can leave that arm up.) Maybe you should think about buying two seats. The airlines are starting to require passengers that weigh more than two hundred pounds—

HOWARD

(Hurt) I don’t weight more than two hundred pounds.

SARAH

(Curious) How much do you weigh?

HOWARD

One hundred and ninety-three.

(A lurch.)

SARAH

We’re taking off! (To GARY) Would you mind raising your shade?

GARY

What?

SARAH

Your shade. Would you mind raising it? I like to see the ground.

(GARY raises his shade reluctantly. SARAH peers out the window) I never know when I’ll see the ground again. Or if.

HOWARD

Please don’t say that.

SARAH

You have to have faith, even if it’s small as a mustard seed. I’ve never seen one. Have you?

HOWARD

No, but I’ve heard of it. We go to church, back home.

SARAH

(Politely) Where is that?

HOWARD

Tennessee. I raise peas. Certified organic, for the fancy restaurants in Memphis.

SARAH

I like peas.

(All three now settle into their reading. GARY turns on his device.)

ANOTHER LURCH

SARAH

Oh my! (To GARY) Can you see anything out the window?

GARY

No.

SARAH

Just clouds?

GARY

(Relishing this) Big black thunderheads. There goes a lightening bolt. I hate to fly this time of year. Too many storms. (He is clutching the arms of his seat.)

SARAH

I wish the pilot would tell us something. Like, everything is all right, folks. But they never do tell us anything. (She pulls out a rosary. To HOWARD) You don’t mind—?

HOWARD

Anything…..

(Another lurch.) GARY peers intently out the window.

SARAH

(Telling the beads) Hail Mary, full of grace.

GARY

Hey! I don’t want to hear that.

SARAH

It won’t do you any harm.

GARY

You ever hear of the separation of church and state?

SARAH

Are we in the church, or in the state?

GARY

My God. (He plugs himself in again, begins to mouth words to the song.)

SARAH

(To HOWARD) He’s praying, too.

HOWARD

(Desperately looking around.) Have they stopped putting out those bags?

SARAH

Which bags?

HOWARD

Airsick bags!

SARAH

(Apprehensive) Oh.

GARY

(He’s seen this.) Go to the bathroom. Please!

HOWARD

The seatbelt sign’s still on.

GARY

Go anyway!

HOWARD

(Paralyzed) I…can’t.

SARAH

They must have cut out those bags when they cut out pillows. Maybe you’d better go. (She gets up to let HOWARD pass.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Please resume your seats, folks, and fasten your seat belts securely.

HOWARD

(Sitting down…) How long is this going to last?

SARAH

They never tell you.

(THE WORST LURCH OF ALL)

SARAH

(Telling her beads.) The Lord is with you. Blessed art thou among women, and the fruit of your womb. Jesus—

GARY

Why do you have to say that?

SARAH

It’s reassuring….

GARY

No, I mean “The fruit of your womb.” That’s obscene. I don’t want to think about her womb. I don’t want to think about its “fruit,” or how it got there!

SARAH

Are you a believer?

GARY

(Vehement) No!

SARAH

(Reasonable) Some believers have trouble with anything graphic. I respect that. I respect all kinds of faith, even though the Christianity is the one that makes sense to me.

GARY

I do not have faith!

SARAH

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad.

GARY

I am not mad.

SARAH

You could have fooled me.

GARY

Please leave me alone! (He plugs in his earphones, turns up the music, mouths the words. and SARAH watch him. Another lurch.)

HOWARD

(Terrified, to SARAH) Can I hold your hand?

SARAH

(Hesitant) Depends on what you mean by it.

HOWARD

I’m terrified!

SARAH

Sure. (They hold hands.) Do you grow anything besides peas?

HOWARD

Just peas…

SARAH

What kind?

HOWARD

French. Tiny…

GARY

(Noticing that they are holding hands.) What good is that going to do? If we crash, we crash. Are you going to feel better because you went down holding hands?

HOWARD

Yes.

GARY

Well, be sure to let me know.

SARAH

(Beginning again) Hail Mary, full of grace…(She can’t tell the beads because she is holding HOWARD’s hand.)

HOWARD

I can let go, if you need to—

SARAH

Never mind. How are you feeling?

HOWARD

A little bit better. Do you think we’re through the worst?

SARAH

(Peering out the window) I don’t know. It’s pitch dark out. (Trying to distract him) Any kids? Grandkids?

HOWARD

(Speaking through his terror) Two sons. Five grandchildren.

SARAH

Boys or girls?

HOWARD

Three boys, two girls.

SARAH

Just the opposite of me. Three girls, two boys. You see a lot of them?

(GARY snatches off his headphones, listens with increasing irritation.)

HOWARD

Not since my wife died. She used to be on the phone from October till Thanksgiving, and they never said no. But now, I just can’t seem to get around to it.

SARAH

Oh that’s sad!

GARY

They’re plugged into the WORLD. Why would they want to go to some boring place, eat some boring turkey, probably be expected to PRAY over it!

(A terrible lurch. SARAH screams, clutches HOWARD’s hand.)

GARY

(Shouting) We need to know what’s going on! We’re back here in the dark! People are starting to freak! (He starts to stand up. The others push him down. He hunkers by the window.) Our father who art in Heaven. Howard will be your name…

HOWARD

(Weakly) It’s “Hallowed.” “Hallowed will be thy name.”

SARAH

Hold his hand.

(After hesitating, SARAH grabs GARY’s hand.)

GARY

Your kingdom come….What’s after that?

SARAH

Your will be done.

GARY

(Coming to, letting go of SARAH’s hand) That’s the problem with you people. No will. This country is never going to pull itself out of this Depression because we’ve all lost our will. The churches are at the root of it. “Thy will be done!” There’s a slogan for you—a way of life! Give up! Die in a plane crash—

HOWARD

There isn’t much we can do about it!

GARY

I tell you what we can do, and I’m going to do it.

SARAH

(Intrigued) What?

GARY

I’m going to go up there and demand an explanation!

SARAH

From who?

GARY

The pilot!

HOWARD

They lock the doors. I remember when they used to let children sit in the pilot’s seat.

LOUDSPEAKER: Sorry, folks. A bit of rough air…

SARAH

I guess that’s all he’s going to tell us.

(All try to go back to reading)

HOWARD

I’m always really hungry after I’ve nearly been sick.

GARY

They’re not going to give you anything but peanuts.

HOWARD

I’m allergic to peanuts.

GARY

You want a breath mint?

HOWARD

(Accepting one) Thanks. When did they stop feeding us?

(GARY passes a mint to SARAH.)

SARAH

Thanks.

(All go back to reading. GARY pulls down the shade)

CURTAIN